missing my missy...

i wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy...

no wait...that's the tune that's being buzzing in my head...

truthfully... i have forgotten how i felt like when i woke up this morning...actually, every morning for the past one week...one long week...

ah wait!....now i remember...

i remember feeling like the luckiest person on earth...seeing my dear angel...from in between the bars of her wooden cot...smilling...the most beautiful smile...anytime, everytime...

it's been a week now since we've been apart...and to know that i missed the whole excitement of her newly growing bunny teeth (an addition to chiclets look-a-like lower teeth collection)...and the ordeal of not being able to be there to fight the evil 'feve+cold+flu' combo...just breaks my heart...and into tears...anytime, everytime...

hang in there lil' missy...mommy's gonna be there soon...i'allah...

Leaning it against memories…

or more specifically in my mother tounge: ‘…sandarkanlah pada kenangan…’

going back down memory lane…you can’t help it…

you don’t want to, but you keep going back…too far sometimes…

you miss it…sometimes…but sometimes, you just can’t wait for it to just go away…

coz back then, u laughed...but cried so hard too...

So yeah…as for me...

“i think i'll go to boston...

i think i'll start a new life...

i think i'll start it over...

where no one knows my name”...

‘Boston’ by Augustana

Photo courtesy of Aswyn Razali http://denzer77.deviantart.com/

Muse-eek!...

Photo courtesy of Aswyn Razali http://denzer77.deviantart.com/

name : BCD 3000

age : more than 3 months

owner : dj DENZE

u.s.p :

· one of man’s greatest invention
· dj DENZE’s greatest investment
· aspirational…creating new talents…namely dj SPKRFRKR, dj OSMEL AWESOME, dj FABULOUS…
· something so small…yet it’s supremacy…is undeniably breathtaking…
· connects people…a lot of people…a lot of happy people…

life motto: let’s denze people!!!

we got only 86 400 seconds in a day to (*heay*)...

Do we? Really?

wow…

got me thinking about things I want to do before I die…

yes! to go on a hot-air balloon ride…anywhere nice and cold…a must before that 86 400 seconds of my life goes away forever…

of course, this comes after I perform my Haj (I’Allah)…and yes, don’t forget watching the World Cup…live…*sigh*

I’m googling (and oogling) about my dream ride as I speak…

Meanwhile...in the words of the Kris Allen…we’ve gotta live like we’re dying!!!

Photo courtesy of Aswyn Razali http://denzer77.deviantart.com

ku susun 10 jari...

a week more, and it's syawal...the month we've all been waiting for...

top 5 topics for the past two weeks:

1) kuih raya - whether you are baking, buying, selling, or just eating type...
(my favourite has always been pineapple tarts- although i have to admit i am rather dissapointed with the quality in the market these past 10 years)

2) baju raya - color - is it color coordinated with another 20 people in your family?, how long can u stand wearing it with the current hot hot hot weather, where to get affordable nice ones?
(results of my recent trip to jalan Tar: 50% satisfied, 50% bad body odour)

3) balik kampung for raya - what day, what time, what route to travel back hometown? (although its only within less 100km radius, it requires a LOT of negotiation and sometimes argument), how many houses to visit this year? (or can we just opt for 3 instead of 30 houses?)

4) duit raya - forget about how much i'm going to get, it's all about GIVING this year, onwards, for the rest of my life

5) the ultimate makan-makan raya - we KNOW so well what we are going to expect from each home we're gonna visit...and from Raya Day 1 to Day 3 at least, don't we all just get into denial zone "oh my god i am sooooo fulll!!!!!..but then one bite of that rendang won't harm, right?"

but then again...we tend to forget the most important thing...the highlight of syawal...it's the moment where we recall all the things we've done and not done, to Allah s.w.t, and the ones we love most...and once you realize each and every one of these things, you bring yourself to forgive, and hopefully be able to forget...

it's the moment to realize that we're all human, and that we all make mistakes...


let's not just wait for syawal...start today...everyday...

and the sheep goes Baaaaaa(zar)...

it's the 11th day of ramadhan (don't get wrong, i wasn't really keeping track)...and i've broken the 'successfully-avoiding-myself-from-going-to-any-bazaar-ramadhans-no-matter-how-tempting' record...it aint' easy, i'd tell you...hey, but what am i saying? of course you all know that already!

we all know exactly what happens to all your senses the second you step into the smoke & colored-umbrella filled food haven:

1) your eyes wonder...

2) your nose start to tingle...

3) your mouth start to water...(ok, wipe the drool)...

4) your tummy growls...*grrrrrr*...

and then...the angel and devil inside you start to pick on each other...and most times, the devil takes the trophy...all of a sudden, you WANT EVERYTHING (to the extend that you convince yourself that you NEED EVERYTHING)...

so you get a bit of this and that...(sometimes saying to yourself /your husband "wah, mahal jugak yek?!"...but buying them anyway)...and when you really run out of cash and filled with guilt (it usually happens in this order), you drive home...slowly...killing time...strategically arranging the hierarchy of importance of all the items you've bought...what to eat 1st and last, who to share them with (IF you feel like sharing)...and not forgetting, making promises to God Almighty that none of it will go to waste...*sigh*

19 days to go...and yes, i am going to one this Saturday...and although i know the oh-so-famous murtabak is so overrated, i am definitely going to buy one (murtabak kambing), again...

do the baby bop hop!...

about an hour ago, my lil' ms. vea received another gift from her dear grandparents...an item most parents can't wait to buy (one of the 'million' things parents can't wait to buy): the WALKER...

oh but this ain't just walker...a 2-in-1 Walker & Cradle...just like the Autobots, it transforms (not so easily) from one function to the other...

so as usual with any new item...we just couldn't wait to put the parts together and place the lil' angle right in...and wait for 'the walk' to happen...

strange ain't it?...one moment you're dying to see her walk towards you...run, skip and hop around...the next moment you're so afraid to let her out of your sight...killing yourself for even a single scratch...

(jeez...i'm really turning into a real mommy, aren't i?)..*sigh*

"next station, FREEDOM...next station, FREEDOM"...

7.29 am…I am in line, waiting for the next train…with over 50 people from different walks of like (with and without their face masks)…their either staring at others, or just staring in mid air…

7.31am…the train arrives…we all rush in…and today, I didn’t manage to get a seat…the train moves…

“approximately 3 mins to the next stop…not more than 4 mins from one stop to another…for another…like…10 stops…”…

I find myself in disgrace…actually calculating every minute…when everybody else around me, “my fellow sardine mates” I call them…are just waiting patiently…like they always do, every single weekday of their lives…till they retire…

But deep inside…I know…every single one of them…just wants to be free…regardless of where their hearts and minds are at that present moment…they just want to be free…

8.01 am…I’m off this one…onto another one…

*sigh*

*choot chooo..(chuga chuga chuga chuga)..choot chooo*...

“So I walked under a bus, got hit by a train…
Keep falling in love, which is kind of the same…
I sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane…
But it felt so good, I’m gonna do it again…”

Buses & Trains, Bachelor Girl

Sound familiar?...yes ladies…aren’t those the exact words that best describe our feelings every time we fall in and out of L.O.V.E?...and no matter how much it hurts…we keep doing it again…and again…and again…

*sigh*…oh well…

you had a bad (hair)day...

"you had a bad day,

you’re taking one down,
you sing a sad song
just to turn it around…”

Bad Day, Daniel Powter

BEAUTY is pain...

I said that to a friend who was complaining how her colored lenses hurt her eyes last week…I told her I applied for a free hair treatment to treat my (hopefully treatable) hair loss issue I faced since I was given the title MOMMY (on Valentines Day this year)…

We laughed…but honestly…it’s really not that funny…

No God, please don’t get me wrong…it’s not that I am not thankful, or that I’m complaining…ok sorry, I am…a bit…

Huhu…

little miss sunshine...

s.m.i.l.e…a five letter word I carry with me every single minute of the day, everyday…I am told that I have a great one…it’s a gift of ALLAH s.w.t…and I’m oh so blessed…

it’s so overwhelming…the thought that your smile makes someone else feel good…but most importantly, how does it make you feel inside?...

trust me, it feels good when u do it…even when you have to fake it at 1st, but in an instant (maybe what…2.5 seconds?), it really makes u feel better…

i’ve been doing it all my life…my dear-sometimes-miserable-yet-exciting-L.I.F.E…

so yeah, try it!!!...Say cheese!!!!

P/S: Ok, I still wonder who came up with the phrase ‘say cheese’…and why…heck, I even caught myself trying out other words that when pronounced, will produce the same facial expression…a note to those who think they’re teeth are good enough to make an appearance: yes, u can stick to Cheese…or Me, We, Pee (haha!)…while others, please find other words…

yes, ma'am...may i help you?...

ramadhan...a whole month of purity, prayers, extreme control of word vomits and gossip floods...and then...comes Hari Raya...a month of forgiving, (without any more 'duit raya'), and extreme control from non-stop food binging...what have i gained and/or lost for the past year?LOTS i shall say...both GOOD and BAD...towards family, peers, my beloved rookster...jeez...it's getting scary...oh dear, might as well take this opportunity to ask the Almighty Allah for all the forgiveness i can ask for, right?...

a sneaky peeky at 2007

thank you Allah s.w.t., for I am blessed…

a’kum and a very good day to all…from all walks of life…

2 years have passed since my last note…damn…wonder what the hell i’ve been up to last year???….hmmm…lets see…(in order of appearance)
1) dec ‘06 - quit my job at astro
2) jan ‘07 - moved to another state called malacca
3) mar ‘07 - shifted to seremban (for 2 months) - worked there for 2 months
4) may ‘07 - almost lost a 5yr relationship due to ‘avoidable’ circumstances
5) may ‘07 - shifted back to malacca
6) june ‘07 - got myself a job in kl - shifted back to kl
7) july - nov ‘07 - non-stop roller coaster rides to never-neverland
8) dec ‘07 - got married

wow…i can’t say its been the most interesting year ever..but then i think 2007 was the year that god just wanted to say to me "jeehan, wake up! pray,damn it!count your blessings…change what you think needs changing…and accept the things (good or bad) that i have or shall give you…"…nice…

sadly, throughout that most memorable year…i’ve almost lost everything: sanity, money, time, courage, strength, dignity…and most importantly, family and friends…

to all, truly accept my deepest apology…for the words and things that i have or have not said and done… thank you for showing me what ‘life’ means to me…

always believe: for things to change, I MUST CHANGE 1ST!

yours sincerely,
me

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 20th, 2008 at 10.51 pm on Friendster

dance with my father again...

my first blog…hmmm…oh well..here we go...

of all the things that i have brought with me throughout my life, the one thing i can never leave behind is the presence of my father..in my mind, my heart, and soul…

ppl say u’ll grow out of it…u don’t need ur parent/parents as much as u did before…ur expected to learn the tru beauty/beast of life on ur own…coz sooner or later they will go, whether u like it or not…the thing is…is it really true?i tot i was...

until lately, my daddy-o decided to get into conversations of which all his sentences began with "If anything happens to me (clearly a euphamism of IF I DIE….)"…hmmm…then it came clear to me that i was not ready…and i will never be really prepared…to be on my own…but as i try to move along with my daily life tyring to BE PREPARED…

all i keep telling myself is : no matter how much u dread hearing another word of advice/lecture/n at most times, nags…no matter how much u hate the ways they tell u how to rule ur life…its never too late to tell them how much they mean to u…as they say "u don’t know what u’ve got till it’s gone"…

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 12th, 2006 at 1:13 am on Friendster

addicted...to?

addict (with the meaning of "delivered, devoted") was in 1529 and comes from Latin addictus, pp. of addicere ("deliver, yield, devote," from ad-, "to" + dicere, "say, declare").^[1]
Addiction was a term used to describe a devotion, attachment, dedication, inclination, etc.

hmmm…devotion, attachment, dedication, inclination…somehow i can relate to every single word!!!…in every little way…i am AN ADDICT!…to what?who?when?where? and why?…what?
L.O.V.E…who?my family,husband and close friends…when?where?anytime,everywhere!…but WHY????….that, I DON’T HAVE A CLUE!!!!god damn it i JUST DO!…
…addicts…aren’t we all?…
This entry was posted on Friday, May 16th, 2008 at 6:56 am on Friendster

who won??who won?!!!...

Marriage…is a whole new world…some will describe it as a world of love & care, world of commitment & trust, some just refer to it as hell…(harsh, but true)

I…call it the World of Sports…why?

Goal…to be the best (wife/partner) to your spouse…(but most times, to be THE BETTER half...hehe)...

Coach …the 1st obvious point of reference: your parents…however, these days, you may have doubts with this...hehe...

Training…conducted DAILY for the rest of your life:

(Physical) : cleaning/cooking/laundry/and other upon-urgent-request stunt shows/performances (i'll leave it to your own imagination...haha...)…
(Mental): constant use of the brain in moments of “how-what-when-where-why- why-why-the-HELL-did-THIS-happen???”…

Challenge…taking control of the scoreboard…try NOT keeping scores…it is IMPOSSIBLE…

Opponent…of course, the other half…next: his brothers from a different mother…next: his hobbies…(and not forgetting: his dearest mommy)…

Highlights…needs no specific season or time…it could happen almost EVERYDAY without you realizing it…

Team Mates…ANYONE who’s in your ‘Top 5 Most Called/Most Txt-ed/Most Twitted’ list…(but however, bear in mind that at most times: YOU are ALONE in the game…

Best of Luck!

a vow?now??how???...

1 year, 6months, 20 days...

Exactly how long it has been since d day…the day I willingly (or did I?just joking, my love) jumped into the world of marriage…with a young man (more like a younger man) who I had fallen in LOVE with 7 years ago, in the land down under (yes, Australia – not anywhere else)...

“Aku terima nikah nye dengan RM20 tunaiiiiiii”…

And then…in a split second your whole world changes…

Firstly (and most obviously): Status: you are no longer SINGLE, you are MARRIED. (For the 1st few weeks/months, you may find yourself mistakenly ticking the wrong box when filling up the Personal Information section)

Secondly: EVERYTHING else changes…really…

And no matter how cheesy this may sound, the only thing that has kept me going (through the most beautiful AND insane moments of my married life), is LOVE…yes people, LOVE…

And to answer Mrs. Turner’s question of what’s LOVE got to do with it? : EVERYTHING Mrs. Turner…EVERYTHING…

BEING A WOMAN

Our species are special. We have been given the special 'body' parts that make us different and unique. Treasure those 'parts' and let beauty shine from within and let your brains and heart do the work. I know it's corny, but it's what the next generation; our daughters, and grand daughters need to hold on to later. Be a friend to your daughter. Tell her she is special, she is loved and she is a creation made by God to do good things in the future. And if she made a mistake, tell her she always has a place to turn to and she can be a better person.

Our future lies not in how much money we make in a month or a year, but how much good we have done to ourselves and others.

(I was thinking of my daughter and all those girls that get caught up in the material world today. It is a reminder for myself)

right button: disable / left button: snooze...

i hear the voices in my head every morning as the 'ring' goes off at 5.45am every morning...

"oh which one?which ONE???!!!"...(my thumb wriggles from left to right...a bit shaky)

"aiyo jeehan, just pick one lah"

"erm, ok...snooooooozzeeeeeeeeeee..."

DECISIONS...whether it is right or wrong, it really doesn't matter...we just keep having to make one...or more...everyday...for the rest of our lives...

make one today...a good one...try it...good luck!!!...

nasiii lemak!!!kuiiiihhhh, kuiihh!!!...

...yes, u are absolutely right : i am still facing the challenge...the 'aiyo-i-haven't-had-enough-of-mama's/ibu's/rookie's-whatever-dish' challenge...

actually, a thought swished across (my already soggy brain) : do you remember those days??...when you'll find a young boy/girl from a nearby kampung...walking around your 'taman'...with a small basket...filled with 'em yummylicious breakfast goodies cooked by dear mommies in their homes in the wee hours of morning trying to make a decent extra income for their family?

...nasi lemak packed in 'daun pisang', the famous malay pastry 'karipap', 'kuih koci'...(erm, i am assuming only those born before the 90's could answer this)...

most of all, do you remember how much they cost??? ...as i can recall, the highest it will go is '3-singgit' (3 for RM1)...

i find myself smiling (and actually feel my heart jump a little) when i hear that phrase nowadays...

...oh those were the days...

ok, i'll start tomorrow lah...

yes, people...procrastination is my middle name...

before i proceed, i would really like to make it very very clear that i am not totally responsible of this habit of procrastinating to reach that goal of achieving the ideal weight...(although i am also very proud to admit that i am not the blame-everybody-else-for-everything's-that's-happening/happened/going to happen-to-me person)...

the problem is...ok, let's not use words that bring negative connotations...the CHALLENGE that i face is : besides having the undeniable loving and caring nature any human being could resist, there are 3 people in my life who cooks like NO ONE..and i repeat: NO ONE can!!!...tsk...tsk....tsk...my heart says nooooo..but my tummy says yeahhhhh!!!!!...

...mama, ibu, farouqie...I LOVE YOU!!!

(*burp*)

wet wipes,anyone?...

an ol' friend's recent status on facebook said: I AM A HUGE FAN OF WET WIPES! (she's a young mother of a handsome young boy, and most likely a huge fan of brad pitt...who had admitted that he too, is a fan of the miraculous wipes as it "solves a lot of problems")

and now...4.45am on a saturday...as i rummage through the dark for one of the worlds greatest invention, in respond to the 1-300-Diaper-Change hotline, i start to think of how wonderful life would be if what brad said is true...

congratulations mr.button, now you've got me really curious!

click,click,click...

ok...

it's almost 10 minutes of typing, deleting, typing, deleting...and typing again...

the coffee is cold, the angel is asleep, the other half pursuing his passion...and here i am, in bed, with this thing called a laptop, on my lap, literally... technology...yes, there's no doubt that mother nature is pleased that trees are not at stake now..as compared to centuries ago where writers tear heaps of sheets of paper struggling to write creatively...but then again, mother nature is super-fabulously happier then.

(ok, little angel was awaken by the continuous clicking...hence it was only fair that her mother, yes me, feed her and put her back to bed)...

where was i?...hmmm...more like where am i?...a question i have been always told to ask myself...whether it may be spiritually, emotionally, mentally...sadly, most people (yes, u too) have no answer to that question, or if you do, you are not very pleased with the answer...and sadly, i sometimes find myself belonging to all categories all at once!beat that!!...

have we all got long enough to find the real answer?...or has the answer been there right in front of you and you didn't have a clue!...

our next mission people: find out where we are!!!...what happens next?...now that, you have to figure it out...